If you are a gentleman who is finding it difficult to know how best to meet new people, or to find somewhere to go to get out of the house for a few hours, you’re definitely not alone.
Research shows that older men who live alone are more likely to feel lonely compared to women of the same age. You might also have less regular contact with friends and family members, and you might also struggle to ask for, or accept, support that can help you to feel more connected and improve your wellbeing.
Teams and Bensham Community Care, a charity in Gateshead, has lots of experience of designing and delivering groups for older people. The research definitely matches their experience… women are a lot more likely to come along and benefit from social groups compared to local gents.
In response to this, they set up groups for men aged over 65 and they're now busier than ever.
But what are they?
Who do they benefit?
Who comes along?
And what goes on at these groups?
With the help of Teams and Bensham Community Care, we answer these questions are more to help you to find out if a men’s group might be right for you or a loved one.
What is a men's group?
Men’s groups take many forms in terms of where they meet, how regularly and what their main purpose is. Some men’s groups focus on a specific activity or interest, such as sport or games for example. Others might bring men together to receive support with an issue they have in common such as bereavement or a specific men’s health condition. Other groups, like ours, are more social in nature and provide the right environment and facilities to bring older men together to meet, chat, relax and enjoy a hot meal.
What happens at a men’s group?
To give you an idea about what happens at a men’s group like ours, we take you through a typical day:-
9:30am - our minibus transport sets off to pick up local gentlemen from their homes to bring them to our centre on Bolam Street, Teams. Our transport is available in our local area of Gateshead, but for those who live out of the area, they make their own way by car or public transport. While we’re out picking everyone up, our cooks are back at the centre preparing a hot meal and pudding, and baked goods to take home (they make the most delicious pies, cakes, quiches and scones to take away – the cheese scones are particularly amazing!)
10:30am – most of the gents have arrived by now and settle in to catch up with each other over a cuppa, a biscuit and the daily newspaper. When a new gent joins our group, it is often on their first visit that connections are quickly made – they might have the same acquaintances as another attendee, had similar work experiences, or share something in common which sets off excellent conversations and the start of new friendships.
11:30am – the popular daily quiz. 10 questions, all general knowledge, with a few tricky ones thrown in. There’s a prize for the top score of the day.
Noon – lunch is served. A hot main course such as mince and dumplings or roast chicken with all the trimmings followed by a pudding such as apple crumble, home made rice pudding or sponge and custard. If a regular attendee cannot get to the centre that day for any reason (if they’re unwell for instance), we’ll always offer to deliver their hot meal to them home.
12:45pm to 2:30pm – the attendees spend the rest of the afternoon doing what they wish. They might play dominoes or card games, work on a model kit or have a friendly game of golf or bowling on the Wii U console.
2:30pm – our minibus is ready to go door to door, taking everyone home who lives in our area.
Who attends a men's group and why?
People attend men's groups for different reasons. Here’s a few of the main reasons why gentlemen join us at our groups:-
Bereavement – after the loss of a partner, some men can feel isolated. The partner they have lost might have looked after the social wellbeing of the couple, and therefore socializing might decline when they pass. Men find comfort knowing that they can come to the group and talk about how they feel if they wish, with others who have experienced the same loss and grief.
Health Conditions – as we age, our health may decline and our physical strength may not be what it was. Going out and about alone can become a struggle, and this can prevent us from continuing with the same leisure or social activities we’ve once enjoyed. A nearby men's group, or one with door to door minibus transport, makes getting out of the house much more accessible, and the companionship, support, activities and food on offer can give a real boost to wellbeing.
Hot Food – motivation to cook just for ourselves can drop when we live alone and if we’ve lost a loved one that used to take care of the cooking, we can really miss a hearty home cooked meal. Many men tell us that one of the things they like most about our groups, is the traditional food that reminds them of home. It brings great comfort back to their mealtimes, and enjoying them in the company of others makes it even better.
Isolation and Loneliness - loneliness is understood to have one of the main influences on poor health for older people, with demonstrable negative impacts on quality of life. Men’s groups help to bring people together on a regular basis and strong friendships are created, which does so many great things for health and well-being.
What are the benefits?
Staying connected - making friends, laughter, sharing stories, being included and feeling valued is a great way to improve how we feel.
Better access to services – our men’s group is often the first service that older gentlemen engage with, often after a long period of not asking for or accepting support. Attending a men’s group breaks down the barriers that men experience, and they often tell us that without attending our group, they may never have gone on to receive the support that they needed in other areas of their life.
Reduced worry – over 80% of people who attend our men’s group disclose they have greater peace of mind and improved feelings of safety, confidence and motivation. This all benefits of physical and mental wellbeing.
Independence - feeling safe and resilient, and continuing to live at home helps us feel more able to cope, and helps us to remain living in the communities in which we feel most comfortable.
Happiness – men’s groups offer new opportunities that we would otherwise not be able to access, such as the opportunity to take part in activities or make new friendships. Great experiences and a sense of fulfilment always lead to positivity and a sense of happiness.
Nutrition - hot, healthy meals shared with others... What’s not to love about that!?
What are the costs?
Men’s groups that focus on a specific issue or health condition are often free, and last for one to two hours. Others may have costs involved if the men’s group meets at a local pub or restaurant or a place of interest for example. Longer lasting groups that include food or transport will likely have a charge. Our men’s groups offer food (£7 for a freshly-cooked, two course meal) and transport (£3.50 which covers the cost of both journeys – from home and back again) and the rest of the activities available to take part in are always free of charge.
Where can I find a men's group?
A quick google search can often bring up a nearby men’s group, or if a group you are seeking is related to a health condition or other experience, your local GP practice or health consultant might know what is available locally. Gateshead benefits from a wonderful resource for finding group activities in our borough. Ourgateshead lists lots of support groups and activities with the ability to search in your local area or by topic to find the right group. If you are aged over 65 and live in Gateshead and would like to know more about our men’s groups, we have lots of information on our website, or give our men’s group a call any weekday between 9am and 3pm on 0191 4600297 and speak to our friendly team.
In Summary
The benefits of attending a men’s groups are far reaching and can make a lasting difference to many areas of a persons life. It can transform feelings of isolation into feelings of being well connected and supported, and can alleviate low mood, anxiety and depression into feelings of fulfilment. It can be a catalyst for change too, by opening the way to further opportunities to engage in activities and services that can lead to even greater health and well-being outcomes.
If a men’s group is something that might benefit you, it’s a good idea to think about what you’d like a men’s group to do for you, so that you get the most out of it. Here’s a few questions to ask yourself:-
- Is there a specific issue I want help with?
- How far am I able to travel?
- Do I need transport there and back?
- Do I need any personal care when I’m there?
- What days of the week could I attend a group?
- Would I prefer to go during the day or on an evening?
- What facilities do I want at the group (e.g. food, refreshments, activities)
If you or someone you know would like more information about the Teams and Bensham Community Care men’s groups, we're always happy to answer any questions, arrange a home visit or to help in any other way that we can. Call the team on 0191 4600297.
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